When Life Feels Extra Heavy
This week was… a lot. So was last week. Between the anniversary of my grandma's death and memories of my brother in law, the grief was heavy. I had my last session with my therapist of almost SIX years. Longer than my marriage.
That's not even mentioning the school shooting. The murder of Charlie Kirk. ANOTHER school shooting. And the never-ending manufactured humane crisis in Gaza. Or the war in Ukraine. Or the less-talked-about Sudanese war/crisis. Oh, and we haven't forgot about the Epstein files. Or ICE. Or the government takeover of DC for 30 days. All very not cute.
What feels almost worse than all these tragedies? Everyone's godforsaken reaction to them. The policing of our genuine emotions. The reprimands for caring about one thing and not caring enough about another. God forbid a person just lament this wickedness without being told, “you're doing it wrong.”
You can't really pick up your phone without being slapped in the face with something so evil that should never even exist. Scroll too far and you might just see someone SHOT IN THE NECK right in front of their children. Or, pleas from Gaza to receive the aid that is already paid for and right outside their door that our government decided to just THROW AWAY.
Everyone has an opinion. It feels like everyone is ranking human suffering in a way that feels very… dystopian.
Meanwhile, we send our kids to school or cook dinner or pay bills or go to work like it's a normal Wednesday.
I drove to the store Thursday night with my daughter and had a waking (nightmare) scenario that a shooter would arrive and I spent the short drive determining what actions I would take to protect my daughter and anyone else in the store. Visions of an eight year old throwing themselves on a kindergarten student to protect them float in my head. My nephew is 8. Would he have to do that one day?
This is not mental illness. This response is completely legitimate in our world today.
So what do we do??
Besides donating money to stop gun violence. Besides calling our Senators. Besides hugging our neighbor. On top of, “thoughts and prayers.” Instead of arguing in the comment sections of our feed while neglecting those right in front of us. In addition to marching and protesting any time there's a march or protest.
Because you should do all those things. Please do those things.
But please also:
Fixate on a show or movie or something entertaining that fills you with joy. Yeah, we watched K-POP Demon Hunters eight times this week. Yes, it was a worthy endeavor.
Connect with your people. We for sure had a virtual date with my best friend when I was in college (and forever). Yes, we watched KDH and yes we made friendship bracelets.
Celebrate the milestones. My little sister turned 22. We had dinner. We went to an art workshop and built something with clay.
Cook. I tried a new recipe. It needs some tweaking and I officially don't like when I prepare brown rice (any suggestions besides bin it and cook white rice?), but it felt nice to cook again.
Teach and play games. My daughter still needs to learn, play, have fun, etc.
Garden. I dig around in the dirt. I feed my worms with my compost bin. 🪱 I move outdoor furniture around and then put it back. Anything that gets my fingers and toes in the ground is healing. I accidentally grew a dozen potatoes. 🥔
Create a ritual that grounds you. For me, it's the Farmer's Market on Saturday mornings. Anyone is invited but I usually go alone. I carry cash so I won't overspend. I sometimes pick up my marketplace finds on the way home. I used to sleep in past noon on Saturdays. But I like this much better. It feels good supporting local farmers and it helps me get in-season produce that gives me plenty of fun cooking ideas. Everyone is pretty much happy. They bring their dogs. It's just a nice time.
Take care of yourself. There is only one you. And the world really really needs more of you. The rested, recharged, creative, passionate, silly, empathetic, weary, intelligent you. You deserve that you, too.
So much love,
Alee 💕